The Story of Man Fujiko
by Intoxicated Gnu
Summary: No matter how Fujiko did them wrong, Jigen and Goemon couldn't do much to get rid of her, for she was their greatest secret, a secret Lupin would never know.


The review Nani Lupin left on my last story sparked an idea for a story involving her greatest creation.  
>Even though I can brainstorm on how to continue my other stories forever and not come up with anything, small things keep making me write. Dammit.<p>

This story contains language and sexual references and stuff.

"Name?"  
>"Mine Fujiko."<br>"Age?"  
>Fujiko smirked. "Ah, but a woman never reveals her age."<br>Jigen sighed in exasperation. "Are you eighteen or over?"  
>"That I am." She rested her chin delicately upon her her hand, giving the two before her a predator's grin.<br>Jigen checked that mark. "You said you had fighting skills."  
>"Top notch," she said with a wink.<br>JIgen pulled his gun and aimed it straight at her.  
>The woman screamed and bolted up. "Protect me!" she whined at Goemon, holding onto him from behind.<br>Goemon glared down at the woman before unsheathing his sword.

"This isn't working," Jigen muttered, staring at the long list of applicants. "They're too weak. Any other ideas?"  
>Goemon closed his eyes in concentration, staying in completely still form for a few minutes. When he got an idea, he became animate once more. "Perhaps... Is it not wrong to hire one of the female population to take care of a problem caused by the female population itself?"<br>Jigen wondered what a man could do with Lupin. They had been looking to get a woman in the group to avoid Lupin getting so distracted by chicks all the time. It was the best they could think to do; Lupin was too strong to make an enemy and telling him that he was being an idiot didn't help. "I don't see how else we can work it."  
>Goemon looked hesitant to speak, but did so. "I might have an idea."<p>

Jigen stared in disbelief, thinking there was no way it could work. _'I can't fucking believe I'm doing this.'_ "Name?"  
>"<em>My <em>name ith Thin Minamoto. What'th yourth?" The man, a bright pink boa wrapped around his neck, winked at Jigen.  
>Jigen cringed, but refrained from pulling his gun. "Remember why you're here. Age?"<br>"Thixteen, but I won't tell if you won't tell," Shin said with a giggle and pursed his lips.  
>Jigen dropped the application form. "Out!"<p>

After regaining himself, Jigen was prepared for another applicant. "Next!"  
>Jigen pressed his lips together in frustration. "Goemon, I think Lupin might suspect something if you disappear whenever his 'girlfriend' or whatever isn't around."<br>Goemon got out of the chair, eyes lowered sadly.  
>"Next!"<p>

Jigen was relieved to see that the next applicant actually looked like a woman. Maybe it was a woman from the previous set, who cared? "Name?"  
>"My real name or my stage name, sweetheart?"<br>Jigen's eye twitched. "I need a name to write down."  
>"In that case, my name is Fujiko Mine."<br>"Great, just great." Jigen wrote that down. Why couldn't people follow simple instruction? "Age?"  
>"I'm over eighteen if that's what you mean," Fujiko said teasingly.<br>Goemon thought he was laying on the sexy voice a little thick, but Lupin would probably buy it.  
>"Think fast," Jigen said, aiming his revolver at her head. He found a handgun aimed right back at his. Each gunman brought it down, Jigen thankful for the first decent reaction. He looked to Goemon, who looked to him, and the two nodded. "Wait here for a moment."<p>

A few minutes later, Jigen returned, his beard hidden under make-up, his hat elsewhere, and wearing a red jacket. He did not look happy about what he was about to do.  
>He sat down next to the Fujiko and placed a hand upon its knee. "Hey, baby," he said in a flat voice. "Why don't you come to bed with me and let me show you my treasure?"<br>Fujiko grinned, gently pushing his hand away. "I only go for diamonds, but thanks for the offer."  
>After a sigh, Jigen wrapped one arm around her, the other tugging at the bottom of her(?) dress. "You like jewelry, do you? Then why don't you come to Papa and let him give you a pearl necklace?" He was so going to kill himself if he had to keep that up.<br>Fujiko shoved his chin away from its face, feigning mild surprise. "Mr. Jigen, stop this before I am forced to take action."  
>Jigen was happy to back away. He wasn't quite as touchy as Lupin, but if Lupin happened to find out, he never had to know that <em>they<em> had brought her in. And Lupin was such a sucker, he'd spend forever chasing a tease and they wouldn't have to worry about his focus going everywhere.  
>Goemon handed Fujiko an envelope revealing the location of their next heist. "We accept."<br>Fujiko kissed it, leaving a lipstick stain on it. "I hope the pay's as good as you say, gentlemen."

And thus, Man-Fujiko was born.

Him, her, it, gah, that was confusing to write.  
>Goemon got it, though, since he's him.<p> 


End file.
